Hello baby, farewell union!: Sexual stagnation after the birth of a child – what to do?

Pregnancy changes a lot. Even if sex is medically possible after a few weeks, many women still don’t feel that way. This can be due, among other things, to hormones that inhibit libido during breastfeeding or a feeling of no longer being desired. In the consultation, Inma Vidal is experiencing more and more often that men are also insecure. “Witnessing a birth can leave psychological scars,” she says. Both parents need time to adjust to these new circumstances. According to the expert, it is important not to be discouraged by a lack of desire, but to continue to take care of your own body.

Vidal encourages couples to make time for each other two to three months after giving birth. Either half an hour during the day while the baby is sleeping, or in the evening if a caregiver is available. The expert says this time it can be used to exchange ideas. It’s important to calmly tell each other how you are and what keeps you busy in the role of mom and dad, without looking at your cell phone. “This is how you give each other the attention you deserve as a couple and you don’t miss each other,” says Vidal. Because: “Physical intimacy usually falls asleep because emotional intimacy falls asleep earlier.”

“Spontaneous, passionate sex often disappears when you become a parent,” says the expert. It is an illusion to believe that you can maintain lightness in bed. “But just because your sex life isn’t what it was in the first years of the relationship doesn’t mean it’s worse.” She advises couples to rediscover sexual desire. Massages, developing erotic stories together, or taking a bath together can help. “You don’t have to wait until you feel like each other, you can lie naked next to each other without being aroused,” says Vidal. If you get rid of the idea that tenderness always leads to sex, the pressure of expectation is lessened.

Vidal says it’s extremely important to try to understand the other person’s needs. She advises the woman to tell her partner exactly how she feels and what’s going on inside her when she doesn’t feel like having sex. On the other hand, a man should not hesitate to express his wishes and for example to tell his partner that he misses him. “Because if one party is constantly blaming and the other is constantly defending, sex can become a thorny issue in the long run.”